Death of a Disbled Son

Published: 05/03/2009

Death of a Son
Yasmin Alibhai-Brown

Ivan Cameron died on Wednesday aged only six. He had cerebral palsy and epilepsy and couldn’t move much nor communicate, except I imagine his parents did know what he wanted and was feeling, picked up on signs and responded. There are parents who cannot cope with a badly handicapped child – we should not judge them harshly- whilst others respond with almost ethereal, divine love.

That Christmas card with the Camerons on the sofa, Ivan in his father’s arms, both looking at each other was criticised by a number of political adversaries who should now apologise for their base instincts. I thought it was a brave, groundbreaking image to shake and soften presumptions. We live in enlightened times and in a country where attitudes towards disability have shifted for the better. The paraolympics are a symbol of that progress. However, the handicapped in communal spaces still ‘offend’ millions of Britons, like those who are complaining about the young and vivacious BBC children’s presenter Cerrie Burnell, born with one arm that ends at her elbow. There are many more such sickos than we like to believe. And in truth, shameful feelings can unexpectedly stir in all of us when, say a mentally or physically handicapped child is on tubes and busses, not behaving ‘normally’. I confess, when I saw such a child, about ten years old, drooling and jerking her arms on the underground, I looked away, a heartless and sordid reaction I am not proud of. Society still cannot genuinely embrace imperfect humans. High society folk to whom breeding is everything find it well nigh impossible.

But not Eton man David Cameron, born into privilege and born to rule and most likely the next PM. His wife Samantha too has poise and class confidence no money can buy. David’s lineage is part aristocratic and we know that through the ages, the Royal family and their circles banished ‘abnormal’ members to live and die in guarded obscurity. Since intermarriage was so common, the numbers of the unwanted were high. The middle classes – their hard values inherited from the Victorians- were no better. In the 21st century in the East and South, children born with defects are rejected, cursed and denied by families, villages and entire communities. They show gene weakness and so cannot be tolerated.

Ivan’s parents want to grieve in private as is their right. However, the public needs to express sympathy and gratitude that David and Samantha allowed us to see and acknowledge their boy who did more to challenge and change such prejudices than he ever knew.

Published in Evening Standard